I Can't Becomes I Can

I attended an amazing Relief Society Quarterly activity on goal setting and filling your lamps tonight.  It fit in with the beginning of a new year and starting fresh with new goals.  Three women shared how they find time for personal, physical and spiritual goals.  Each one had wonderful thoughts and ideas that made me want to emulate them and how they lived their lives.  The 10 Virgins were brought up as well and I found myself siding more with the 5 unprepared and foolish virgins.

On the way home a thought came into my head or a song.  I turned off the radio to really take a moment to key in and focus on what the Spirit was trying to tell me.  The song "I Can't Do Everything" popped into my head and I began remembering the words: 

 I can't do everything, I know because I've tried.
I told myself I could, then found out I lied.
I believed with all my heart, that I should do it all.
But I can't do everything and when I try, I fall.
I can't please everyone, I know because I've tried.
I needed the love so much, sometimes I compromised.
But the more I live and learn, the more I clearly see,
that I can't please anyone, until I'm pleased with me.

So here I am asking with all my heart
for the feeling I have been dreaming of
just fill the empty spaces that keep us apart
and help me find myself in your love.
Because I can't do anything without some help from above
and I can't please anyone, until I know I'm loved.
And I believe I'm loved.

As this happened I began to realize how I was trying to do everything in my life and accomplishing nothing.  Not only am I failing miserably but I am drowning and getting to the point where just making it to the mailbox seems a major achievement for the day.  I am trying to keep a perfectly clean house and failing.  Trying to raise and teach my kids and failing.  Trying to be a perfect wife and failing.  Trying to think about exercise and never making it off the couch.  The list goes on and on.  I realized that just like in the song I am trying to do everything on my own with no help from anyone.  Not my husband or friends, and especially not the Savior.  I've been shutting him out and that needs to stop.  Because I really can't do anything without His help and help from those around me.

I loved the "what if" principle that one sister spoke of.  What if I just read one verse.  Or what if I just do one wall of crayon removal.  Or what if I just exercise for 5 minutes.  Those "what if's" can add up into something amazing and if I include my Savior in those "what if's" I can change myself into a person who resembles Him and those women I was admiring tonight.  I would turn from being a foolish virgin into one of the wise ones with a lamp full of oil watching and waiting for the Bridegroom prepared.  It was an epiphany.  So if any of you read this that were there tonight, THANK YOU.

Am I 80?

I never thought that I would have a pill box, or if I did I thought I would be much, much older. But here I am with enough pills to kill a horse. Now a lot of these are vitamins that I have to take to counteract side affects of the RA drugs. But still this is a crazy amount of medicine to take every week. Better go take today's drugs.